After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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