I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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