Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
