Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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