I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Can you bring me the toilet please
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
