he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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