I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
