ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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