marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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