Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
