we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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