Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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