Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
