Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He felt like a one man threesome
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
