You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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