I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
