Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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