Sry I called you an 8
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
