is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
