They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize