...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
