theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
