I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
