he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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