Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
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