Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
