after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
