I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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