Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
