anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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