WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
