i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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