And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
There's even glitter on my cock...
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