that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
