He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
