After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
