Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
