me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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