i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
