i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
