Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
