here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
