can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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