Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
