2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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