i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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