If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
