gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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