put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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