She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
