if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
