I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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