I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
