I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
