Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
