I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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