You smell like stripper and shame
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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