i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We left an ass print on the piano.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
