Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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