ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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