You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You left your underwear on the fireplace
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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