I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
