Screwed.edu
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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