During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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