I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
